Charlene’s story is about her taking control, changing the way she worked to help manage hot flashes, and finding ways to manage her anxiety. “There's usually someone that's listening. So, don't stop talking.”
E3: Charlene’s Story
With the sudden onset of menopause, Charlene’s story is about her taking control, changing the way she worked to help manage hot flashes, and finding ways to manage her anxiety. In hindsight she wished she’d been more vocal. “There's usually someone that's listening. So, don't stop talking.”
menopause: unmuted is designed to raise awareness, encourage communication, and share information. It is not designed to provide medical advice or promote or recommend any treatment option.
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menopause: unmuted
A new podcast series to share menopause experiences
E3: Charlene’s Story
It's time to unmute menopause.
Welcome to menopause: unmuted, a new podcast series sponsored by Pfizer.
Menopause is a major life transition accompanied by a multitude of symptoms, health and relationship considerations that women, unfortunately, don't talk about enough-̶and we want to change that.
Women from across the US have been coming together to share their menopause stories.
“We dismiss our minds and our emotions and our reactions and responses to the world based on our hormones, and I was trying not to do that.”
“What really got me is when the hot flashes got to the point when you’re standing in front of a customer and all of a sudden you start to drip sweat, and nobody says anything.”
“I really didn’t honestly know what to expect, or how to deal with them, frankly.”
I’m your host, Mary Jane Minkin. I’m an obstetrician gynecologist and Professor at Yale University School of Medicine and I’d like you to join me as we listen to Charlene’s story.
“At work, I was not present. I was very forgetful and moody. I was irritable. I had messed up a lot because I was so focused on not trying to show my symptoms that everything else started to fall.”
Her experiences of hot flashes, sleep disturbances, anxiety, and problems at work are really common. But managing these symptoms can be tough when menopause comes earlier than usual, and hits you out of the blue.
Let’s unmute Charlene’s menopause.
“Hi, my name is Charlene, and I am 53 years old. I live in Houston, Texas, but I am a New Yorker. I am a wife. I'm a mother. I am a sister. I am a friend. I am a confidant. I am amazing at who I am and what I do. I've been married for 30 years. I have four sons. I have four grandchildren, three girls and one boy.
“My menopause experience has been, it was happened suddenly, overnight, I was just turning 42 and all of a sudden, my cycle stopped. So, since I was young, I thought I could have been pregnant again. Eventually I went to the doctor, and she comes back and she was like, Charlene you're not pregnant. So, we take blood work at that time. And then she calls me. And the way that the doctor said it was, I need you to sit down. We usually panic when a doctor says that so of course, I'm standing up pacing, I don't want to sit down. So, she says, you're in full menopause. And I didn't understand what that meant. What do you mean full menopause? She says, well, your body is reacting as though you are a 65-year-old woman.
“That was a little offensive, but she's a doctor. And she's telling me what I need to know. It was as though after she told me then my body started going way to the left and way to the right. And when I say that, I mean that I had night sweats. I had fatigue, insomnia, hot flashes. I even had mood swings, irritability. I had a lot of the symptoms of menopause come upon me, like literally all at one time.”
For women in the US, the average age for full menopause is 51 and a few months, that's to say when she hasn’t had a period for 12 months in a row. However, about 1 woman in 100 have reached full menopause by age 40; and about 5 women in 100 have reached full menopause by age 45.
Usually however, there is a gradual build-up of symptoms which was clearly not the case for Charlene, and while the sudden onset is less common, Charlene’s symptoms were very typical.
“Other symptoms that were noticeable to other people, I would say, well, as far as with my husband would be the night sweats. Because I would have to have a fan. I would have to turn the fan on, turn the fan off, pull the covers on, pull the covers off. And of course, that's disturbing to him while he's trying to sleep. But I couldn't help it. I was so hot. And most of the nights I would wake up, so I had insomnia that went on for months where I could not sleep.
“The night sweats would be so difficult that I would get up and try to do anything to make myself tired. My irritability that I suffered with, was very transparent. It was almost as though I was two different people.
“But what happened when I went into menopause is that I lost some of my friends because they didn't understand. And they felt as though what I was doing was trying to get attention. I would do anything to not bring any attention to myself. Because I didn't want other people uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable. And I understood that if I showed what I was going through, then they would ask questions, and I didn't know the answer to the questions to make them comfortable. I didn't want to explain myself anymore after, after a while I just, I didn't say anything. I didn't say anything at all. I just went through it silently.
“It actually had a strong effect on my personality or who I actually became, at that time very inclusive, very removed from people. What seemed to be standoffish or shy, was actually me trying to not speak to anyone to not show them anything that I was possibly experiencing at the time, so lonely? Absolutely. I was extremely lonely.
“When I think about how the menopause affected me, I have to talk about the things that I went through at work. I had a lot of I'd say face-to-face meetings, a lot of in-person meetings. In the beginning I would sit through the meeting, and I would have a hot flash and I would take the jacket off and put it on and take it off and put it on. It seemed to bother those that were in the room that maybe that I was moving too much, or what I was doing was disturbing the meeting. So, I, I would excuse myself a lot and go get a drink of water or at least stay outside until the hot flash would pass and then I would come in, back in and that would disturb them as well. I would request a WebEx meeting instead of an in-person meeting. My voice can't tell you that I'm experiencing a hot flash or, or I'm tired. My voice doesn't tell you that. So, in WebEx meetings I was, I was present. At work, I was not present. I was very forgetful and moody. I was irritable. I had messed up a lot because I was so focused on not trying to show my symptoms that everything else started to fall.
“So, during a small period of time, it was not, it was not very good at work.”
This is menopause: unmuted where we’re listening to real women share their menopause stories.
I’m your host Mary Jane Minkin and if you’d like to find out more visit menopauseunmuted.com or talk to your health care provider.
So many women tell me that they don’t want to draw attention to their menopause symptoms.
That can be hard enough with family and friends but keeping everything under control because you want to be professional, is really hard.
And Charlene felt the added burden of her early and sudden onset of menopause. And one of the problems for Charlene, is that most of her friends, presuming they were ball park the same age as she is, that this was very hard because the bulk of her friends had no idea about menopause-̶ they had no idea what kind of symptoms Charlene might be experiencing.
Every woman has their own unique experience and relationship with work, but many employers are beginning to become more menopause aware, so it really is worthwhile trying to find someone to confide in when you feel that your work is suffering.
“One of the other symptoms that I probably didn't really mention much was the, the anxiety that I would feel and knowing that I couldn't say anything, I would feel it was was like knots in your stomach and, and I don't know your hands would sweat like the normal feelings of anxiety is like, I-don't-want-to-do-it-have-to-do-it-but-I don't-want-to-do-it. I don't. I don't want to go to work. I want to stay home, and I want to stay away from people because they don't understand, and I want to talk to someone. But they're not there. And sometimes I felt emotional. I felt as though I wanted to cry, and I didn't have really a reason to cry. Or, I thought I didn't have a reason to cry. But when I think back, I did have reasons to cry.
“Going through menopause quietly wasn't easy. What I realized that I had to do was I had to find answers to why I was feeling the way that I was feeling. And I did a lot of research cause you can Google anything these days, and I would, I would Google symptoms of menopause, menopause, I would Google, how to handle, how to how to walk through, through life with this, how to talk about it, what you can say to start a conversation. I did a lot of research on each of the symptoms that I was going through to get an answer. I had a better understanding when I did research. So, during my research, I learned that there are things that you can do to help you to manage your emotions. I read about meditation and sitting still and actually breathing, and that would help. I changed what I was eating. I walked more; I would exercise more to get my endorphins moving. And they helped. I would exercise, I think, in the evening time because it helped me sleep. I drank a lot more water. It hydrated my body because with the hot flashes and the night sweats, it was taking hydration from your body. So, replenishing it was helpful. But the meditation, breathing, exercise, water, changing your diet, all those things were helpful.”
Charlene’s approach to research and a healthy lifestyle really paid off and this is exactly the kind of advice I give to my patients. But a good, open relationship with your health care provider is really important and there are many options available.
You can speak about menopause with an OB/GYN, primary care provider, nurse practitioner or midwife. There are even designated menopause practitioners who can provide more information.But probably the best advice that I can give to anybody, is that you have a health care provider with whom you are comfortable talking about anything. It can be hard to start a positive conversation about menopause with your doctor-̶as Charlene found out.
“My doctor, my doctor was quite interesting. As uncomfortable as it was for me to understand the information she was giving, it was uncomfortable for her to give it to me, because she was having a difficult time explaining to me, ‘OK Charlene, you're 42 your body is, from last month to this month, is completely different. And it's behaving like it's 65’. It made her, it made her, uncomfortable.
“When I reflect back on starting menopause and going through menopause, even at my age, I wish I was more vocal. I, I wish I was more open in spite of what other people were saying. In spite of how I made other people feel, I should have thought more about how I was feeling and pushed more to get some help to, to talk to someone else. There is usually one person in a crowd that's listening. So, the more I talked about it eventually, the better I felt.
“I was actually in menopause for nine years. So, it was a difficult time. It took me a little while to get, to get over a lot of things. But if I think back, I would absolutely talk more. I think there's strength in sharing your, your testimony or sharing your story. I think there's strength for other people to hear what it is that you've gone through so that they would understand what they go what they may be going through or will go through. I would say that love yourself through it. Love yourself through it. Don't let this take away your confidence or your self-esteem, because it's not gonna last forever. There's usually someone that, that's listening.So, don't stop talking.”
I couldn’t agree more, talking is so important and is often the first step to overcoming a challenge in your own life, or helping someone else tackle something difficult, so I want to say a big thank you to Charlene for sharing her story with us.
Women are often aware of some of the common physical symptoms of menopause like hot flashes and night sweats but can be unprepared for the emotional impact of menopause and the impact on their home life, family, friendships and work. Whatever age you experience menopause, remember that talking, research and good self-care can make the journey easier.
It’s all about finding out what works for you.
I’m Mary Jane Minkin, thanks for joining us today, check out our show notes at menopauseunmuted.com
And in our next episode, we’ll be unmuting Kathie’s story.
“It was being set free from buying all the sanitary towels all those years and without having the pain of a period, absolutely worth it, absolutely worth it!”
Don’t suffer in silence, don’t worry about speaking up about your menopause.
Special thanks to the Global Women's Health team at Pfizer and to Studio Health for producing this series. Talk soon.
Disclaimer
This podcast is powered by Pfizer.