Edi shares her story of overcoming challenges and finding acceptance through the menopause transition. She reflects on her bothersome menopause symptoms and how their impact helped her reconnect with herself physically, emotionally, and spiritually—allowing her to reshape her approach to work, intimacy, and her well-being.
In this episode, Edi shares her powerful story of navigating menopause and the growth she experienced through this transitional life stage. Beginning her journey at the start of the pandemic, she faced physical symptoms, including hot flashes, stiffness, and vertigo, in addition to significant emotional changes.
Rather than feeling defeated, she used these challenges to deepen her connection with her emotions and examine her lifestyle choices. Edi discovered that menopause provided a unique opportunity to let go of perfectionism and embrace a more balanced, flexible approach to work and life. Her story also highlights how menopause reshaped her views on intimacy, enhancing her relationship with her partner and fostering a deeper understanding of her own needs. Edi’s experience encourages listeners to view menopause as a chance for meaningful growth, connection, and self-acceptance.
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Disclaimer: menopause: unmuted is designed to raise awareness, encourage communication, and share information. It is not designed to provide medical advice or promote or recommend any treatment option.
Episode 3, Edi's Story
MJM
It’s time to unmute menopause.
Welcome back to another menopause story.
I’m your host, Mary Jane Minkin, I’m an OBGYN and clinical professor at Yale University School of Medicine and I’m so grateful to all of the women who have shared their real-life menopause experiences.
I know just how much fear, embarrassment or lack of information can hinder a woman seeking help for symptoms of menopause, and I hope that by joining me for menopause: unmuted, you’ll be reminded that you’re not alone.
As the stigma around menopause seems to be lessening, women’s understanding of things like hot flashes, disrupted sleep, and brain fog is getting much better. But I’ve noticed less is said about the way that the menopausal transition can really change our emotional landscape.[1]
Today’s guest Edi has dealt with a lot of physical symptoms, but how she feels about menopause has informed everything from how she exercises, to how she approaches leadership at work.
I hope you’ll find her story as thought-provoking and inspiring as I did.
Let’s unmute Edi’s menopause…
Edi
So, I'm Edi, and I live in Massachusetts in the United States, and I'm post menopause, and I had my menopause experience right at the pandemic, the beginning of the pandemic, andbasically since then, it has been my mission to help women navigate this time of life.
So, I did have an intense menopause experience. If we think about menopause as sort of physical things and emotional things and work-related things, I had all of them. So, from a physical standpoint, in the perimenopause time, all of the kind of intensity of bleeding and the erraticness of cycle I also had sort of the emotional volatility I ended up also with vertigo, which I now, I didn't know then, was associated with perimenopause.[2] So, I had all sorts of symptoms of menopause.
So, before menopause, I think I was not as fully familiar with my emotional landscape as I am now, after menopause. I was much morerule-bound, like, what should I be doing? And now I feel much more a sense of ease in my own self, and I'm much more clear about whatfeels right and comfortable inside of myself, rather than from the ‘shoulds’.
So, when I think about menopause as a healing time, it was for me all levels. It started out at the physical level that was kind of the entry point, but then it also moved to a more emotional level, being more kind of connected and familiar with my emotions with anger, and also now more towards the tail end of my menopause transition, I'm realizing it's also a spiritual healing. I'm feeling more connected, more a sense of belonging in this, this universe, this this womanhood, this earth planet, like all of all of the ways to feel connected. So, for me, the menopause transition has been a healing at all of those levels.
So, this is the, for me, the gift of hot flashes. When I start paying attention to my own hot flashes, first, I realized, like all the lifestyle things that trigger a hot flash, like a little too much sugar, or shifting from watching TV to time to go to bed, like that, I would always have a hot flash then, or just the heat coming on in the room. You know, there's like context things that give you a give you a hot flash, but I started to really pay attention to when and why I had a hot flash. And I started to notice that often when I had a hot flash, that if I just thought back, like a few beats earlier, a few moments earlier, I would notice that something had irritated me, that I didn't agree with something that somebody said, or that I was offended by something that somebody said. And I before menopause, before I had hot flashes, I didn't have any access to that. It was all kind of stuffed down, right? I just pretended like I'm nice. This is all fine, right? But the hot flashes helped me discover I was like, Oh, actually, no, I'm not fine. I'm kind of irritated. And so that was the beginning of me starting to, to notice, in a kind of daily way that there might be more anger in me than I realized.
So, when I think about perfectionism, I think about following sort of objective rules and somebody else's guidelines, like this is how it should be, even how I think it should be. And in connecting more fully to my anger and what irritated me. It helped me know, like, what actually do I really think and feel about this, and it helped shift. I think I'm still working on the perfectionism thing, but it feels like a journey from being focused on the outer to being more in touch with and driven by and shaped by what's true inside of me, but it's it's less for me a forgiveness, and more, more connection, an inner connection. Now I can live more in touch with myself.
So yeah. So, one of the other things that in my life, before menopause, as a yoga teacher, for for many years, I was also naturally incredibly flexible. And in menopause, particularly in perimenopause, one of the intense symptoms I had was real stiffness, like I felt like I was all sudden. I was in the tin man, you know, like, whose body is this? And specifically, had frozen shoulder, so couldn't even move my right arm up at all. And I really hated it, but I decided to think about it as, oh, my body is inviting me to spend more time with myself that it is my body is saying you need a little more warm up. You need more movement in the day. You cannot sit at your desk for all the hours that you have been before, we need to move. And I realized that I would like to have a life where I am moving more, where I am particularly that for me, that has taken me outdoors more, and to let the stiffness be an invitation to shape my life into the kind of life that I'd like to have, which is actually less in my office and more movement.
MJM
If you listened to the last two episodes, you’ll remember both Patty and Kwavi spoke about the importance of listening to your body and being your own advocate, and this is something that I think Edi has done so well.
It’s true that some of the symptoms of menopause can be quite unpleasant, and when they limit your ability to do an activity you really enjoy and are good at, it’s very easy to get frustrated or resentful. But Edi brought a fantastically creative and positive mindset to a situation that another person could understandably view as a failure or set back.
Vertigo, reduced flexibility, hot flashes, erratic menstrual cycles and a short temper are all possible symptoms of menopause.[2],[3],[4] And when they occur together, they can feel overwhelming. Tuning your body and mind into when symptoms arise, and what makes them worse can be helpful information for both you and your healthcare provider.
Keeping a journal can be a useful tool to record information, and to work through and reflect on some of the emotional challenges. For example, anger can be an unwelcome and disruptive emotion but spending time thinking about what’s at the root of that feeling, might give you important clues to start some positive conversations with people close to you.
Mindfulness practices might even have a positive impact on your wellbeing.[5] I think it’s really wonderful that rather than reduce her yoga practice due to stiffness, Edi was inspired to spend more time being active and getting away from her desk.
It’s an attitude that has inspired positive change in other aspects of her life too. Let’s get back to Edi’s story.
Edi
So, before menopause, I was in a full-time leadership role at a at the Kripalu center for yoga and health, a large nonprofit, and working all the hours and the ways one does when one has a leadership role. And in my perimenopause menopause transition, I started to have the sense that I didn't want to have to work full time in that same way anymore, and I didn't really have the courage to make the change right then and then the [the] pandemic hit, and I lost my job, and so I was kind of forced out of what was a very heartful, satisfying big, but big job, and gave me the time to reflect and also to feel what it feels like to live in my body when I'm not working as hard as I had been. And so, since the pandemic, I've chosen to live a more flexible work life.
So, I have not taken full time work. I have continued with per diem and consulting and coaching work that allows me to shape my daily schedule so that I can make sure to get a walk whenever, basically whenever I want, andkeeps work... like I'm trying to do more potent work, but less spend less time working than I did before. It's interesting because, as I'm saying this, I realize that there's both this physical question about how much does my body want to sit at the computer. But there's also a way thatwork becomes, or has been, a measure of my success or a measure of my identity, and it has also kept me away from some of my feelings. The more I work, the less I have to pay attention to what's going on inside, and so there's a lot more involved in trying to create a life from the inside than just choosing a more flexible work container. And I don't have the handle on it yet, but what I do know is that I have choice. I have choice now and then. I have the consequences of that too, whether that's financial or prestige or whatever right, but I but the freedom for me at this age has been what's really important.
I really don't want to feel like I'm broken. I really don't want to have been in a fight with my most intimate self. You know that means different things at different moments, but you have asked me specifically about the arena of intimacy, and there are definitely major changes that have happened in my sex life during this this time, and things don't happen as easily as they used to. And I used to feel like the way my body responded so easily was like a crutch, that I didn't have to face some of the emotional or relational navigations that my new body is inviting me to face, like to have a richer, fuller relational context for my sexuality, for my intimacy, to have a deeper, more true connection with my partner.
I feel likemy menopause transition has been purification by fire - absolutely. I see the world totally differently than I did before. I feel like I didn't know before menopause, the water that I was swimming in, you know, the cultural water from my own nuclear family, from my Midwest US upbringing, from the westernized world, I just didn't know and couldn't see all the ways that it was confining me and shaping how I was responding to things in ways that were not bringing joy or satisfaction. And menopause has burned those things away. It's been really hard work to meet it moment by moment I and I have had help. I've chosen todo therapy intensively during this time to help me meet and see through the patterns that weren't working and most of those patterns were patterns that had me feeling like a victim rather than as a powerful creator. So, for me, one of the big transitions of menopause has been stepping into my own my own power, my own creator self.
MJM
What would stepping into your power mean to you? Perhaps it’s about rethinking the way you’re working, or rethinking how you’re exercising, or the balance of labor within your home life?
Whatever it might be, I think it’s wonderful to remember that this can be a time of embracing great change. It really can be a waste of energy to try to hold onto a past version of yourself and I’m absolutely delighted to hear a woman at midlife speaking so positively about her sexuality. Good sex should follow you throughout your life journey, and I want to encourage all of you listening to think of it as something that you deserve.
Of course, good sex might mean different things at different stages of life. Sexual function often changes for both men and women as our bodies age and good communication can significantly improve the chances of fulfilling sex.[6]
If this is something you’d like to learn more about, do listen to An Intimate Menopause – a special episode that you’ll find in this feed where I had a practical and enlightening conversation with sexuality psychologist Dr. Laurie Mintz.
Talk therapy can be a wonderful tool to help identify where change is needed and being supported by a professional through that change can make it feel much less daunting.
It is terrific that Edi had the wherewithal to do some intensive counselling work, but for folks who don’t have that access, speaking with a good and compassionate friend can be really valuable.
This is menopause: unmuted where we talk about real women’s menopause stories. I’m your host Mary Jane Minkin and I hope that by sharing these stories, you might feel more confident to start some of the conversations that will help you embrace your power.
For more information, check out this episode’s show notes, and of course, we encourage you to raise any concerns with your healthcare provider.
Now let’s listen to how Edi is thinking about leadership at work in midlife…
Edi
I believe menopause is leadership development, and I believe that our bodies, if we meet them in a way that is honoring and compassionate and deeply listening, help us move toward this more potent, powerful way of leadership. That's a very different way of operating than like growth at all costs. It's a much more sustainable, centered kind of leading. I talk about, you know, we have the cult of busyness, right? Like just working for work's sake.
I don't believe menopausal women have any energy to work just for work's sake. I believe that we are very clear and strategically use our energy for what is the most important action for any particular desired outcome. We're not just glorifying the busy, so that's that's a really super important thing. We can actually meet more fully what is working and what is not working with more truth andthen see possibilities that we couldn't see otherwise, because, because it's not we're not stuck in in how things used to be. This quality of moving through the world from a place of fear into one of a place of wonder, like, what's possible if I am safe and at home in myself, there's so much more room to play with what's possible than if I'm I'm trying to do things to make myself safe. So, all of these have profound implications for individual women leaders, but they also have profound implications for organizations in this time where who knows really, right? It's our our world is so volatile and complex and ambiguous, and sohaving leaders who canstay really centered, see through how things have been, and lead from a place of possibility, like,is there a path forward?
So much of the conversation about menopause in the workplace right now is, how do we make it so women can keep working as hard as they always have been during this menopause transition? And of course, I want for there to be beautiful accommodations for everyone, so that everyone can keep the work that they want to keep doing. But I also want to honor that menopause itself takes a lot of time and energy, like the transformation that we are invited into through this process is more easily accomplished, and also more fruitfully accomplished if we give it some time and space. Sometimes people think I just can't do my work, or I just can't, I can't keep doing what I used to be doing, and then just give up. And that's not necessarily meeting the menopause, transition fully, either. So I like the idea of thinking about maybe a specific window of time where you're like, Okay, I got a lot going on now, and I'm going to be really careful with where I give my time and energy, and then when I'm a little more through this process, I'm going to expand out again with what I'm really passionate about, and that's different than shrinking our leadership, but consciously choosing to attend to something that's happening is different than feeling a lack of confidence.
[STING]
I guess one of the other things I'd like to say is that before menopause, I really had a sense of myself as an individual, and my efforts and my striving were kind of for myself, and of course, I wanted to be helpful to the world. You know, my work was all in nonprofit, so it wasn't like I was only self-centered, but there was a quality of individuality that after having come through the menopause transition, I now feel much more connected to a community of women in a way that I didn't before. I'm like, oh, I'm actually, I'm a woman and look what happens in a woman's life. And I hear that in the workshops that I lead, one of the things that happens after we talk about this is that we feel more at home and comfortable with one another than we did before, instead of hiding from each other this thing that's that's happening, and so one of the things I want to celebrate about the menopause transition is that it can actually bring us closer.
From this post-menopausal perch that I now have,I would tell my younger self like, oh, you're making it so hard for yourself. It doesn't have to be that hard,and there's a lot of work to do to get to a more easeful state and a richer experience of life. So, get ready. You're going to do it.
I really am excited to hear you hear the invitation that menopause can be and to know that you have a choice about how to meet it that might enliven you rather than shrink you and embitter you. And it is my it is my deepest hope that menopause wakes us all up to a more joyous, easeful self-compassionate, self-expressed way of walking in the world.
MJM
Edi has certainly accepted the invitation of menopause. I so appreciate her approach of honoring the time and energy that the menopause transition takes. I know many of you in the thick of menopause might feel overwhelmed, busy, and might want to reject the invitation altogether, but I hope hearing stories like Edi’s might inspire you to reflect on your mindset and where you place your precious time and energy.
I’m so grateful to Edi for such a thoughtful interview and I wish her all the best for many more years of ease, fresh air, and yoga.
Edi’s story is a great example of why listening to your body and adapting to your circumstances is so powerful. In day-to-day life, making small changes to help reduce stress and prioritize your wellbeing can add up to something meaningful. Do check out our previous episode with Dr. Pauline Maki, a calm menopause for some more tips on the emotional side of menopause.
But you shouldn't have to face menopause alone - please do seek out professional help. I’d like to encourage all of you to make time and space to ask yourself what you really need and want at this stage of life – and what support do you need to make that happen?
Menopause is dealt with very differently among different groups of people, and indeed, in societies where older women are venerated because they know more, they’re smarter, they’ve been there and done that in a sense, in these societies, women are dealt with in a kinder manner. Maybe we should try to do things like that here?
I’ll be back soon with another real menopause story. If you’re enjoying this season, I’d be very grateful if you could share it with a friend. It really does help us spread the word.
Before I go, I’d just like to say: don’t suffer in silence. Don’t worry about speaking up about your menopause.
Women should be able to discuss menopause with their healthcare providers. A woman can speak out about menopause with her OB/GYN, primary care provider, or nurse practitioner. There are even designated menopause practitioners that a woman can visit.
Special thanks to the Women's Health team at Pfizer and to Studio Health for producing this series.
Talk soon.
[Disclaimer]
This podcast is provided for educational purposes only and is not intended to replace discussions with a healthcare provider. Please speak with your healthcare provider regarding any health questions. The opinions expressed in this podcast are the opinions of the individuals recorded, and not necessarily opinions endorsed by Pfizer. The women in this podcast are participating voluntarily and have not been compensated for their appearance. The host has been compensated by Pfizer. The podcast is only intended for residents of the United States.
References:
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2. Jeong SH. Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo risk factors unique to perimenopausal women. Front Neurol. 2020; 11:589605. Published 2020 Oct 16. doi:10.3389/fneur.2020.589605.
3. Wright VJ, Schwartzman JD, Itinoche R, Wittstein J. The musculoskeletal syndrome of menopause. Climacteric. 2024;27(5):466-72. doi:10.1080/13697137.2024.2380363.
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5. National Institutes of Health. Mindfulness for your health: the benefits of living moment by moment. News in Health. June 2021. Available from: https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2021/06/mindfulness-your-health#:~:text=Health%20Benefits%20of%20Mindfulness&text=Mindfulness%2Dbased%20treatments%20have%20been,help%20people%20cope%20with%20pain. [Accessed Oct 2024].
6. Mallory BA, Stanton AM, Handy AB. Couples’ sexual communication and dimensions of sexual function: a meta-analysis. Sex Res. 2019 Sep;56(7):882-98. doi:10.1080/00224499.2019.1568375.