Welcome back to menopause: unmuted! This season is kicked off by Marilyn’s inspiring menopause story, “I feel that I'm in the best stage of my life right now.” Marilyn shares her uplifting midlife experience built around creativity, self-care, and the power of family support in lessening the mysteries of menopause.
E1: Marilyn’s Story
In this episode, Marilyn’s story explores the power of family relationships and self-care in supporting a positive menopause.
Marilyn shares her experiences of how open communication within her family de-mystified menstruation and menopause right from the time of puberty. Conversations with her female relatives gave her strength and guided her to approach perimenopause, along with overall wellbeing and self-care, with a positive attitude. Remember, menopause is a new phase of life: you haven’t been there before, so isn’t it great to have trusted family and friends who can share with you their experiences. You don’t have to do this alone.
menopause: unmuted is designed to raise awareness, encourage communication, and share information. It is not designed to provide medical advice or promote or recommend any treatment option.
Useful Links:
https://www.pfizer.com/news/podcasts#menopause-resources
https://swhr.org/swhr_resource/menopause-preparedness-fact-sheet/
https://www.menopausecafe.net/
https://swhr.org/swhr_resource/menopause-preparedness-toolkit-a-womans-empowerment-guide/
MJM
It's time to unmute menopause.
Hello and welcome to menopause: unmuted, a podcast series sponsored by Pfizer.
Menopause is a major transition in life, with many changes and a lot to learn. And that’s not just for the women experiencing it, but also, for the partners, family and friends who join us on our journey through life.
But that road doesn’t need to be a lonely one; we’re here to help make that easier by listening to how other woman have navigated their menopause journeys.
Barbara teaser clip:
“And I didn't really know that that was a hot flash or menopause. I didn't really know what it was. In my family growing up, it was never mentioned. My mother never mentioned menopause to me. And in fact, it was a topic that she would, would never even mention to me.
That's, I guess that was that generation.”
Susan teaser clip:
“And that's the reality of aging. There are so many things that happen to us as we age, and it's always good to know that it's normal, and that it's part of the expectation. I don't think people like to talk about aging and how you change that much. But I'm lucky to be in a group of women that are forthright about it and can laugh about it.”
I’m your host, Mary Jane Minkin. I’m an obstetrician gynecologist and clinical Professor at Yale University School of Medicine.
It’s season 3 and we’ve been getting great feedback from our listeners. It you’re one of the 80 thousand people who’ve downloaded a previous episode, thank you. And if you’re new here, welcome!
The most common theme that I hear is “Now I know that I am not alone” and just knowing that many other women are experiencing the same symptoms that you are can be very validating. I have also gotten comments from partners of women who have listened to our women, who have asked us “What can I do for my partner to help her during this transition time?”
Well, just listening is a huge part of giving meaningful support to a partner, but if you would like to share your experience of menopause – whether that’s direct experience, or as a partner, friend, or relation, I’d love you to get in touch with us. There’s more information in the show notes.
Today we’re going to listen to Marilyn, and I just loved her story.
So I feel, I feel that I'm in the best stage of my life right now. I feel accomplished in terms of right. Like it wouldn't, if you look at yourself, I guess if you do like an inventory of what are you doing with your life, where are you right now? I feel like I have accomplished a lot, you know, and [and], but I haven't stopped.
Marilyn has had a pretty positive menopause journey, and she’s created an inspiring midlife experience built around creativity, self-care, and family.
Let’s unmute Marilyn’s menopause.
Marilyn
My name is Marilyn. I am 53 years old and I'm from New York city. I'm a high school teacher. I've been teaching for the past 16 years. I'm a single mom. I have three children that I've raised alone in New York city. They're all beautiful children. Of course. And I'm an advocate for my community.
I work with local politicians at times to make sure that we bring in programs and services that, that our community needs. I am also a writer. I write about Dominican culture and Dominican history. And I am also writing a memoir.
My first experience with menopause was really through my mom because I always heard stories from my mother about the symptoms that she was feeling, about the hot flashes about just, you know, her body, the way that it was changing that her stomach was growing, you know, her stomach was just getting bigger and she couldn't lose the weight, but it was always the hot flashes. That was always the part that I feared the most.
When I see the, like the droplets of sweat on the women, the women in my family, you know, as we sat, either in the kitchen or on the floor and in the bedroom. You know, women started talking about menstruation and, and our elders would start talking about menopause and all the symptoms that they would experience.
Well, we always talked about like the women, we all would gather it, it, you know, and just all the females, the little girls you know, going through puberty and then the women that were of childbearing age and also our elders that were already entering either perimenopause or just menopause already.
So, I remember always getting advice, you know, like about, you know, having to change your pads. I remember being a little girl because I was 11 years old when I first got my period. So, I felt scared and like, oh my goodness, is this really happening to me? So, I was in denial for a few months, and I didn't tell anybody.
So, one day we were just all gathering in my uncle's room. It was like all, all the women in there. And I just had my legs up and you can see the stain from my period. And, and then everybody just started giving me advice like, oh, we're all here to support you. Like, that's fine that you're getting your period, but I'm like, oh, but I don't think it's really my period because I'm only 11 years old.
After that, I think that that first visit, it just really showed me how like, there was so much knowledge in my family and the women and how much they can show me. And I felt so good. I felt like this weight just lifted off my shoulders because I had all these women around me that could help me now.
MJM
If only more girls could have that kind of supportive atmosphere to make the transition through puberty. It is always excellent to hear about familial and community support. And just as the family can make menstruation less mysterious for girls going into puberty-hopefully hearing about the menopause transition will likewise help women as they stop having their periods. And we do know that women in communities that value their postmenopausal women as sage leaders have an easier time going through the transitional phase.
It gives us confidence to accept support, even when we’re daunted by what’s ahead. And it’s great to realize that older women whom we respect so much have thrived through this time.
Marilyn
I always. I guess after that initial, you know, of the women gathering in my uncle's room and that I was able to accept and like embrace getting my period. It just felt like. It felt like, like all this tension that I had inside my body was just being released and that's the way that I always felt.
So, it was just, it was a part, it's a part of who I was. Right. Just getting my period and, you know, being in the childbearing age, just, I was always grateful that my body got pregnant, you know, like I was able to give birth. So that was all part of having your period.
So that was something that I did look forward to it. People just told me, told me, like, you’re crazy. How could you like that in your period? I’m like, yeah, actually like getting my period, and I’m feeling like, like just like a lightness in my body.
So, I've been, I've been in straight menopause for the last three years. So I'm 53. So, in my, I would say like around like 46, 47, I entered that perimenopause stage. So, I was like, what? I was like, this is happening to me now.
So, I just I was kind of like in disbelief at first and I was like, I can't like, I'm still too young, and so it took me a, it took me a while. Oh, as we say in New York, it took me a minute to embrace that.
MJM
Those family discussions are still a feature of the female relationships in Marilyn’s family. And if your family has not had these talks, you may want to think of a way to bring everyone into the discussion. You might be surprised how many family members will welcome it. Male and female!
You may be reading some crazy things on social media, and at a family gathering situation, you can bring that up. That’s a good way to get the conversation started.
Many women do like getting their periods. I teach my residents / trainees that you need to know that about a woman’s feelings about her periods. And indeed, if a woman is taking hormonal therapy after menopause, we can give the hormones in a way that a woman will continue to have her periods. That makes many women happy. Of course, we can also use hormones in ways that won’t give women periods.
Marilyn
Now I am peri menopausal. So, these conversations with the women in my family have always been, you know, happening. And like the conversations are always going to come up.
So, then I learned that there were other cousins, you know, that we're also going through that stage of perimenopause. So, you know, we all like exchanged our stories, like what things we're going through, what are we experiencing? And for some people it's, it's like more severe, I would say. But I think that I did get the hot flashes in the beginning and one time actually at work, I [I] actually almost blacked out, like that's how bad it was.
That was pretty scary, you know, but that was just one time. And the other times that my experience has just been the hot flashes. I did get that. I think I got that for like a good year where my body would just start from the bottom of my feet it would feel like literally somebody was putting my body like, you know, like lighting a match or, something on my body and the flames would just rising to all the way to the top of my head and I would just like be covered in sweat. But after a while, I just, I also got used to that. Like I knew when it was coming and I would just like, you know, if I was teaching, I would just like, you know, try to go somewhere like in a corner or something and just let it happen.
And then, ‘cos I knew that the cool-down period was coming also. So, I learned how to, I guess, adapt my, my lifestyle so that I can take care of myself in that moment.
MJM, Mid-point break
This is menopause: unmuted where we talk about real women’s menopause stories.
I’m your host Mary Jane Minkin and if you’d like to find out more visit menopauseunmuted.com or talk to your health care provider.
Let’s go back to Marilyn’s story, to hear how she approaches the important topic of self-care, and a big part of that is tuning into what you need.
Marilyn
I think that as I got older, I started listening to my body more and taking care of myself and doing things to stay active physically. And also, the food that I put in my body. Not all the time. I'm not going to say like, oh, I'm so like strict with my, with my diet and everything, but I do pay attention to my body and I, and I don't put in anything that is really going to like harm me, you know?
I'm not gonna abuse my body because I'm 53 years old right now.
I'm not doing the same things that I, when I was in my twenties and that's not to say like, you know, I feel like, oh, I'm done. Or like, I'm just sitting down, but I don't want to do the same things that I was doing when I was younger.
I'm not going to go to sleep at five o'clock in the morning. I do get my eight-hour sleep. I have a, I have a night-time routine where, you know, I like, I have my tea, I have my camomile tea. I journal, I write in my journal. I do my intentions, you know, so it’s like in many ways, all of this I've, I've done it because I'm older and because I'm listening to my body, and these are the things that make me feel good.
I, I am in control of myself. I'm in control of what I do. I'm in control of what I think, I'm in control of the work I do and the projects that I want to be involved in. And I think a lot of those things come with, with experience, right? Like it's not these, these are not things that you got, you know, like just. You know, like nobody's going to just put this on your lap. You can't learn a lot of these things in school. They just come to you through time.
MJM
Marilyn has just expressed what many women fear in the perimenopause transition - the lack of control over your body. And indeed it can be a very scary time for many women. But knowing that your family members have been there and thrived and can help you keep the control. That’s powerful.
Marilyn
Things that are important is to me, one of the things is my circle of people around me. Like I'm very aware of who's around me and who I spend my time with.
And the majority of those people are family. So, those are ways that I take care of myself and also my, my mental wellbeing.
MJM
Of course, there are so many aspects of life that we can’t control, but focusing on what you can control, as well as what you want from this stage of your life, can be extremely empowering.
Marilyn
Well, I'm gonna, I'm going to start talking about my relationship with men because right now I've been single for the past seven years. I've had boyfriends, I guess if you want to call it that, but for the most part, I've been a single woman for seven years because I was married for probably a little bit over 10 years and I feel that in the place that I am right now, my kids are my priority and my career and my projects that I'm involved in.
I still have like big aspirations and things that I want to do, and I feel that with a man by my side is just gonna like stunt my growth.
I love men. I like to go out on dates, but you know, to have like that intimacy that I really wanted, and I had for many years when I was younger, that is no longer important to me right now. It might be important to me again when I'm older, but right now in this stage that I'm at it’s not important.
And then the, my, my children are very important to me. I have an 18-year-old daughter, so I'm also like passing on a lot of the wisdom that I have to her and having like deep conversations with her, you know, even though she's in college now and she has her friends, but we still have our bond, like our mother daughter bond.
So it's important for me also to be there for her and for my son, that is 17 years old. He's a high school senior. So, you know, it's important for me to be there, to be present for my kids. And that's where I'm at right now.
For me my, my outlook on life and the way that I view life and my menopause go hand in hand because the menopause is coming when the woman, you're, [you're], I've gone all the way in, you know, and I'm embracing my menopause because I've earned those like stripes, right? Like I've made it, I am like a full, like full-fledged woman.
So, I feel, I feel that I'm in the best stage of my life right now. I feel accomplished in terms of right. Like it wouldn't, if you look at yourself, I guess if you do like an inventory of what are you doing with your life, where are you right now? I feel like I have accomplished a lot, you know, and [and], but I haven't stopped.
It's not like, oh, I did all this. And I'm like done. No, I don't feel that way. I feel like I have done, like I have my children, I have a beautiful relationship with my kids.
So, it’s that, that makes me very happy. And I also have a strong bond with my mom. And with my sister. So, it's like I have the women around me that you know, that, that are there for me.
MJM
Marilyn views perimenopause and menopause as a time for growth.
Taking an organized approach to your self-care, can stop it becoming a chore and leave you feeling like you have more free time. What Marilyn is expressing is that she does not feel in the slightest that she has passed her productive times.
Many women talk about feeling invisible at this point in life, but Marilyn rightfully understands that she has a tremendous amount of wisdom and care to pass on to her family and to her community.
What I find regularly is that many women are feeling a sense of loss, their kids have gone, they don’t feel responsible for them anymore. But what I try to emphasize to my patients is that now they have a life of their own and they can be doing many things for the family, for their community, for themselves, because they have this time. And they’ve earned it, they’ve earned it very well.
Marilyn
And as far as like my routine, I think that the routine that I have it's, it's very beneficial to me because I have. You know, the way that I have everything organized in my room from my clothes. I have my outfits that I'm going to put on and I like to look decent, you know? Like I like to take care of myself. I'm very like low maintenance.
But I make sure that I drink my water. At work, I take my lunch and I, and I eat like a heavier meal with salad at lunch. And then at night I have something light. I don't like to eat a full meal at night because I just feel like, I don't need it.
And I think that's like the most important thing is listen to your body. Because once you listen to yourself and you start setting up those routines, then they will stick.
I do have conversations with my daughter, and she knows actually my son also, they know that I’m, I’m [I’m] menopausal. Like they know they were there with me as I was going through like the hot flashes, you know, and I explained to them what it was and the changes in my body.
So, it's not. In our family, is, it's [it's] fine. It's normal to talk about periods. Like nobody is disgusted by it. You know, it's something that is that is natural and then something that happens to the female body. So, we all talk about it freely, like, and the men need to be aware because the men are there with the women and need to support us in in some capacity.
Pay attention to your body and take care of yourself and menopause is, is something that happens to women. You know, it's part of our development and if you take care of yourself and you listen to your body, eat a good meal, get enough sleep because sometimes sleep is underrated, and people think that sleep is not that important.
Sleep is very important. And as you get older and as you are going through menopause, it's really important to listen to your body and rest and [and] eat good, eat a good meal. And also pay attention to your thoughts and be kind to yourself.
MJM
I think that Marilyn is very wise in talking about the importance of sleep. One of the really problematic issues in menopause is that our sleep can be extremely disrupted, and we don’t get a decent night’s sleep. And a lot of that can contribute to women not feeling well. So, one of the interventions that I try to encourage my patients to do, is to work on sleep to try to get people more sleep to try to cope with some of these changes, which can be a challenge, but we have to work on it.
Marilyn has great wisdom-she values her relationships with her women friends and especially her family members, all of whom she helps, and who help her.
Marilyn
When I was younger, I thought it was like the worst time for a woman, like all my goodness, the dreaded phase to go into. And I wasn't really looking forward to it. And I did miss my period in the beginning and like, wow, why did I have to go through this right now? But I wish I just knew that it just like. At that time that you are going through menopause, you're also a more mature woman. So, your outlook on life is clearer when you're older.
I would tell women, find your tribe, make sure that you have a circle of like-minded people that will support you, that will support your journey through menopause and also support your journey in life with whatever projects you may have. I think that that's very important.
And also ask when you need something because. That's part of like, if you have the right people around you, then you feel comfortable.
So it's important to have the people around you and also to be vulnerable enough when you need help, you know, even though you're older and you're going through menopause and people may say, okay, you're already like set and everything. Nobody knows everything, right? There's always opportunities for you to learn from somebody else. So, it's that ability to just be vulnerable with the people around you.
So don't worry about it. You're going to get there and you're going to be fine. You're going to rock it.
MJM
Thank you so much to Marilyn for sharing her story with us today, I hope it inspires you to take good care of yourself as well as the relationships that strengthen and support you
And remember, menopause is a new phase of life: you haven’t been there before, so isn’t it great to have trusted family and friends who can share with you, their experiences. You don’t have to do this alone. In some areas of the country there are menopause cafes, where women can get together to share their experiences. Why not take advantage of knowledgeable people who are around in your tribe, too?
Regular, open conversations with your health care provider will also help to ensure that you’re healthy and that there are a whole host of options, which can be tailored to you.
I’m Mary Jane Minkin, thanks for joining us today. For more information and details of how you can take part in a future episode, check out our show notes at menopauseunmuted.com.
Join me for our next episode when we’ll be listening to Mary Beth’s story
Preview clip from Mary Beth
I was like, Oh, this is terrible, we need to talk about this more. so I've been on this mission to talk about it more with [with] anybody who'll listen really, but you know, especially close friends and family, my daughter, my niece, you know, there's things that we need to be aware of, and just [just] knowing that it's happening, and knowing that it's normal.
MJM
Don’t suffer in silence. Don’t worry about speaking up about your menopause.
And if you are new to menopause: unmuted please do go back and listen to the stories shared in season 1 and season 2, each woman tells her own unique experience of menopause and I hope you’ll find a story you can relate to.
If you would like to take part in menopause: unmuted and tell your story, please go to our show notes at menopauseunmuted.com
Women should be able to discuss menopause with their health care providers. A woman can speak out about menopause with her OB/GYN, primary care provider, nurse practitioner or midwife. There are even designated menopause practitioners that women can visit if they need more information.
Special thanks to the Women's Health team at Pfizer and to Studio Health for producing this series.
Talk soon.
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Disclaimer
This podcast is provided for educational purposes only and is not intended to replace discussions with a health care provider. Please speak with your health care provider regarding any health questions.
The opinions expressed in this podcast are the opinions of the individuals recorded, and not necessarily opinions endorsed by Pfizer.
The women in this podcast are participating voluntarily and have not been compensated for their appearance. The host has been compensated by Pfizer.
This podcast is only intended for residents of the United States.
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