Susan’s story is about honesty of experience. “The more we talk about it … we're going to be able to break those barriers and break down those fences that have been placed before us.”
E1: Susan’s Story
Susan’s story is about honesty of experience. She has no doubt that talking and sharing experiences with her friends and confiding in family and co-workers helped her navigate her way through menopause. “The more we talk about it … we're going to be able to break those barriers and break down those fences that have been placed before us.”
menopause: unmuted is designed to raise awareness, encourage communication, and share information. It is not designed to provide medical advice or promote or recommend any treatment option.
Links
• http://menopauseunmuted.com
• https://www.pfizer.com/health-wellness/diseases-conditions/menopause
menopause: unmuted
A new podcast series to share menopause experiences
E1: Susan’s Story
It's time to unmute menopause.
Welcome to menopause: unmuted, a new podcast series sponsored by Pfizer.
Menopause is a major life transition accompanied by a multitude of symptoms, health, and relationship considerations that women, unfortunately, don't talk about enough–and we want to change that.
Women from across the US have been coming together to share their menopause stories.
“All the things that I think most people would typically do, that if you needed to lose 5 or 10 pounds would be relatively easy ... You know, what I found was that nothing would even move the needle.”
“And you know, I’m going to have to deal with that. For the rest of my life. I hope my time as a sexual person on this planet is not over.”
“I didn’t say anything, I didn’t say anything at all, I just went through it, silently.”
I’m your host, Mary Jane Minkin. I’m an obstetrician gynecologist and Professor at Yale University School of Medicine and I’d like you to join me as we listen to Susan’s story:
“Sex becomes very painful.And it’s like a switch. It’s like one minute sex is fine. And the next minute sex is not.”
Her experiences of hot flashes, sleep disturbances, anxiety, discomfort during sexual activity are really common. And I see many women experiencing these symptoms of menopause.
Let’s unmute Susan’s menopause.
“Yes, so my name is Susan, I am 54 years old. I am a mother, a wife, a worker, a martial artist, a volunteer. And I have the great fortune of being one of the millions of women out there that have been able to go through the process of menopause.
“My whole menopausal kind of experience, I guess, started like, you know, anybody else where it starts years before, and that kind of pre-menopausal state. I was looking about five or six years ago and I’d gone to my OB/GYN. I just really kind of said, ‘Hey, I'm having some emotional kind of fluctuations going on’. I really started picking it up, that it was happening right in the middle of my cycle.
“And at that point, she really was like, you know what, this is really normal. Don't worry about it. And so I was like, okay, well this is this is just normal, just kind of be aware of it. And then the next year I went back in. And at that point, she was like, okay, well, you know, you're still having these kind of fluctuations, and I was able to track them on my calendar, I could kind of see when they were coming. So at that point, she said, you know, here's something that you can take kind of right around the time when you're starting in that middle of your cycle.
“But I think really what happened after that was then the kind of the hot flashes come up, they started so now you know, we're couple years down the road. And you're thinking okay, it just, I'm a little hot, I have to turn the AC on, no big deal, and that lasted for another six months. And it was very infrequent. So again, you just kind of go, okay, that's just normal part of, you know, being a woman and normal stage of life.”
You might be surprised to hear that Susan’s first symptoms were emotional, that’s very common and indeed many women don’t even associate that with any perimenopausal type changes. Periods can be still coming pretty regularly and indeed these still can be the signs, beginning signs of perimenopause.
Susan’s reaction to this was also typical, because many women feel like ‘oh they’re just gonna have to deal with it’, but indeed there are many adjustments and interventions that can be helpful.
Here’s Susan again.
“And then I think what really got me is when the hot flashes got to the point and you're standing in front of a customer, and all of a sudden you start to drip sweat, and nobody says anything. And you know that they're, they're looking at you kind of going ‘what's going on?’, but really, nobody says anything. And I think that's when I started realizing like, okay, this is starting to be very cumbersome. And it was happening a lot.
“After the hot flashes, and then you're not sleeping, and then your body starts changing. A great example is my husband at one point was like, ‘do you have to always have these hot flashes?’ And I'm like, I have absolutely no control over hot flashes. So I ended up giving him a commentary for a day. So every time that I had a hot flash, I would say, I'm having one. I'm having one. By about mid-afternoon he finally said, okay, I get it, you're having them a lot. And I think that was something that if I hadn't have actually told him initially, and done that commentary with him, it would have been something again, that I would have just taken on that, you know, I'm the only one that's having to go through this and I'm going to fight it on my own.”
Hot flashes can be debilitating. The definition of a moderate hot flash is breaking out into a sweat. The definition of a severe hot flash is breaking into a sweat and having to stop whatever you are doing to attend to the hot flash. And hot flashes can be extreme. There are many studies coming out these days pointing out how much hot flashes can interfere with work.
All of these physical symptoms are real, and are experienced by many women. And not only do they have a physical effect, but they can also create an emotional burden.
“What I did find for myself is that even though I was having all these physical changes, I also had the emotional, kind of, where I was having just crazy anxiety that was coming out of nowhere, at that point, then had some tools that I was able to utilize with, you know, deep breathing, I was using some yoga. The other thing that I did in the midst of all of this is, I also added in doing even more formal meditation and I'm glad that I actually started that earlier, much earlier than when I was in the crux, and the worst part.
“But I also found that one of the things we do is as women we're very innately strong. And so we're constantly thinking that we also, we have to be the strongest one out there, we have to be the one that's fighting, you end up fighting, or at least I did, I ended up kind of fighting with myself and not giving myself any break and any compassion and what it ended up doing was you end up kind of isolating, because unfortunately in society now what you find is people don't talk about menopause.”
As Susan notes, communication is key. And not all women experience menopause in the same way, which is partially why we are doing this series. For example, 20% of women get no hot flashes, and we do not really know why they are so lucky. So communication with significant others and friends is so important, to let them know how we are feeling.
Similarly, it is very important to talk with your health care provider to let her or him know what you are experiencing, so she or he can help you–with understanding, and guidance on helping your symptoms. This truly can ease the burden.
And that includes talking about sex.
“Oh, you want it? Oh, I can talk intimacy. We can go right there. I mean, one thing I didn't mention, and we'll just throw it out there, sex becomes very painful. And it's like a switch. It's like one minute sex is fine. And the next minute sex is not. And it wasn't about desire, it was sheerly painful. And I think that is one thing that, you know, it's, that's not something you talk to people about. How did I navigate it? I basically said, we got to do something about this. Because I mean, he doesn't want you to hurt. I mean, it's supposed to be a pleasurable experience!
“And, and something like that, I mean, that was a good example, where you go to the doctor and go look, I have to draw the line on this. Like, this can't happen. So I was given a prescription for that. And that was helpful. Typically, as a woman, there's a lot of things you can handle. But one thing that was definitely out of my control was that, I mean, you know, it's kind of, you've tried all the various things that you can think of. But when sex becomes an issue that you're, that it hurts and it's painful. Yeah, you're going like, okay, I surrender.
“I just got to the point where mentally I just, I just could not do any more. Other things were starting to suffer. So once I decided, look, I'm going to, I'm going to be compassionate with myself and understand that this is a very normal process that as a woman, I go through just like I had the opportunity to have two beautiful daughters. This is also part of that life cycle. And we all go through it as women, there's nothing I can do to change that. And once I did that, then it allowed me to kind of go okay, what other options are out there. And ask for help.”
This is menopause: unmuted where we’re listening to real women share their menopause stories. I’m your host Mary Jane Minkin and if you’d like to find out more visit menopauseunmuted.com or talk to your health care provider.
Attitudes towards seeking help are very varied. Women often feel embarrassed to speak out about vaginal and sexual symptoms of menopause and the impact on intimacy, sex, and their relationships.
It’s important to try to find a way to seek help when you know you can’t do any more.
So far, we’ve heard Susan talk about her symptoms and the impact they had, but talking and sharing can go a long way to easing the strain. A big part of that help can come in the form of emotional support.
Let’s get back to Susan’s story.
“The beauty for me was that I have, my sister is great. And so the laughter of being … we're very close in age. We were on the similar paths, and being able to talk to her and laugh about some of the things that we were going through and kind of just find humor in it, I think really helped to kind of ease the, the anxiety and the stress of it. I think that was very helpful.
“I will say it would have been nice to have more of a pack that you could go to where you didn't feel like it was only you know, a family or your very, very closest friends.
“So I think society wise, it's very, very difficult, because you don't really know who to talk to, and most people don't really want to talk about it, even in talking with some people about, ‘hey, I think I'm going to do this podcast, it sounds like a great opportunity’ they’d be, ‘why do you want to do that? Why do you want to expose yourself?’ And I'm thinking expose myself to what? And at that, that is, I think the barrier, the barrier has to do with kind of, ignorance.
“And I think that's something that, that women, the more we talk about it, the more we come out and, you know, bond, come together and realize, hey, we're all in this together, then the more opportunities that we're going to be able to break those barriers and break down those fences that have been placed before us, where we do feel like we're isolated or that we cannot talk or that we have a much harder time finding, quote, kind of that pack, our pack. You know, those people that we can bond together with.
“My view on getting older now? I am completely embracing getting older. It's a wonderful thing. I mean, don't get me wrong. There are things about getting older I don't particularly like. But I do embrace the idea of having the wisdom, I was very fortunate in having some very strong, older women that were a part of my life. During that time I had them, that were allowed to really kind of show me some paths of what it meant to be, you know, an older woman with wisdom and grace and just how exciting it is to be able to share all the excitement of being a woman to like my daughters who are 24, in their prime of life. And I think that's just a wonderful thing to be able to share now, looking back without all the stresses of being 19.
“I really would not wish it on my worst enemy! I mean, it's not been the most pleasant experience to go through, I think that it's, it can be it's very challenging. I think it can be very difficult. It can be isolating, if that's what you choose for it to be. At the same time, I think there are a lot of opportunities out there to be able to bond and come together and share those experiences with other women. The ones that have come before us the ones that will come after us and I think there's a lot of great things that can, can come out of menopause on the back side.”
One of the great things about discussing the difficult aspects of menopause is that it also allows us to see the hope and inspiration in our situation and I want to say a big thank you to Susan for sharing her story with us.
Every woman experiences the menopause journey differently. Some women are lucky enough to have few symptoms, but for others, like Susan, menopause can be a challenging time of life.
I’m Dr Mary Jane Minkin, thanks for joining us today, check out our show notes at menopauseunmuted.com.
And in our next episode, we’ll be unmuting Rachel’s story.
“Well, I can imagine the kind of conversations I would have to have with someone new. In my mind, I’m very open and straightforward and brave, in order to say, here’s what’s going on with me at this time in my life, and if we become sexual, this is what I’m going to need from you.”
Don’t suffer in silence. Don’t worry about speaking up about your menopause.
Women should be able to discuss menopause with their health care providers. A woman can speak out about menopause with her OB/GYN, primary care provider, nurse practitioner or midwife. There are even designated menopause practitioners that a woman can visit if she needs more information.
Special thanks to the Global Women's Health team at Pfizer and to Studio Health for producing this series. Talk soon.
Disclaimer
This podcast is powered by Pfizer.