Susan’s story is about quietly adjusting to a new phase of life and dealing with the impact of physical and emotional changes of menopause from day to day. Susan opens up about the impact of sleep disturbance on her mood, on her family, and her work life. “I wasn't always upset and always snappy, but the truth is, that when you're walking around and you're very uncomfortable physically all the time… you do get upset. And that was something that I really felt I had to deal with.”
In this episode Susan shares her pragmatic approach to menopause and how she deals with night sweats and a lack of sleep and the impact of these on her mood, her family and her job through talking and laughter.
Susan is a great advocate for finding comfort in knowing you aren’t the only one, in finding your ‘tribe’ and speaking out. “I really find that the friends are extremely supportive, and it's funny because we almost laugh about it...I feel part of a group, not necessarily part of a group that I'm looking to be in, but I'm lucky to be in a group of women that are forthright about it and can laugh about it.”
Susan’s friendships and her willingness to be open-minded with her doctor have made a big difference to her menopause experience, so if you don’t have a group of friends who are able to support you in menopause, speak to your healthcare provider or there are several online menopause communities supporting women virtually.
Episode 4, Susan’s Story
MJM
It's time to unmute menopause.
Hello and welcome to menopause: unmuted, a podcast series sponsored by Pfizer.
Menopause is a major transition in life, with many changes and a lot to learn. And that’s not just for the women experiencing it, but also, for the partners, family and friends who join us on our journey through life.
But that road doesn’t need to be a lonely one; we’re here to help make that easier by listening to how other women have navigated their menopause journeys.
Barbara Teaser Quote 1
I think that is the [the] biggest regret that I had that I didn't talk to my own mother about it. I didn't talk to friends about it. I didn't talk to my doctor about it. That's the one regret I had with it. Would the outcome, would it be any different? Probably not. But it would have given me a greater understanding and a greater security and comfort.
Mary Beth Teaser quote 2
And then it all kind of culminated that when I was going through menopause, that, you know, this is the time to make a change, to really do something that, that fulfills me and also, it has a purpose in the world, that I'm supporting other people with their health and their wellness and their choices that they make.
MJM
I’m your host, Mary Jane Minkin. I’m an obstetrician gynecologist and clinical Professor at Yale University School of Medicine.
It can sometimes be hard to know how to support someone going through menopause, and sometimes just a bit of time to listen and care is worth a lot, but if you would like to share your experience of menopause – whether that’s direct experience, or as a partner, friend, or relation, I’d love you to get in touch with us. There’s more information in the show notes.
Today’s story comes from Susan.
Susan preview clip
And that's the reality of aging. There are so many things that happen to us as we age, and it's always good to know that it's normal, and that it's part of the expectation. I don't think people like to talk about aging and how you change that much. But I'm lucky to be in a group of women that are forthright about it and can laugh about it.
MJM
Susan’s pragmatic approach and her willingness to be open minded with her doctor have made a big difference to her menopause experience. Let’s unmute Susan’s menopause.
Susan
Hi, my name is Susan. I’m married. I have three children and four grandchildren. I work full time as an office administrator. I lead a very active life, long days from starting out with fitness, and working and cooking is a passion. As well as doing fine arts. I like to paint and very often at night that's where you'll find me in my room, painting. And family time is super important to me and traveling as a family is absolutely my ultimate passion.
I started experiencing symptoms with menopause at around 50 years old, and I really did not want to manage it. I was hoping that it would go away. But I started really realizing what was going on with my menopause through sleep deprivation. I was having sweats to the point that it would wake me up, and a lot of difficulty falling back to sleep. I don't require a lot of sleep, but I need a good sleep. And there was no, nowhere that I was getting more than two to three hours and not functioning well on that at all.
MJM
Many people suffer from reduced quality of sleep in mid-life, but it’s noticeably worse for women.
Sleep disturbances are associated with fatigue, irritability, and chronic illness like cardiovascular disease. But they can also impact mood disorders such as depression.1,3
Addressing lack of sleep is often one of the first things I will focus in on with my patients, because a good change at night-time, will often cascade positively into a good day time.
And I explain to my resident doctors that I train, we can make sure that you all don’t have to stay up night after night, we arrange schedules, but for my menopausal patients? They’re on every night.
Susan
Then there was a lot of moodiness, and I attributed the moodiness to specifically my sleep deprivation. But in hindsight, I think that it possibly had something to do with menopause, although I'm not a doctor, and I couldn't say that for sure. It's just a feeling that I have, but my family commented on my mood swings, which I never had before. So, in as much as it's sleep deprivation, I really felt it was almost more. I felt that maybe that is symptomatic to hormones and menopause altogether. I think it was more of a flipping from one state to another that things that would normally roll off my back, things that I would get aggravated about, were things that I was surprised myself that I was aggravated with. On a normal day to day, I'm extremely calm and extremely able to deal with anything. And small things started really bugging me and I was very quick to react to the small things.
MUSIC
I think that when people brought it to my attention, family, that you know, there was a moodiness, it made me more moody. It made me more aggravated, because it’s something that I don't particularly like, as a person. I'm not, you know, I don't think anyone's attracted to moody people, but I especially am sensitive to that. So, it really bothered me that other people noticed that I was falling into that category. And it was important for me to make sure that change came through.
I wasn't always upset and always snappy, but the truth is, is that when you're walking around and you're very uncomfortable physically all the time, I had a pretty significant, to me case of menopause, and it happened frequently throughout the day. And you know, I'd be at work, and I'd be sweating, and it was uncomfortable seeing people, you do get upset. And that was something that I really felt I had to deal with. When I started getting that way, that was when I got to the point that I felt like I wanted to see my doctor and have a talk about menopause. So, for me, at 55, after five years of this really, to come to terms with the fact that I had to get help to deal with this, that worked for me.
MJM
If you are a regular listener, I’m sure you’ll be able to guess what I’m about to say… keep talking with your health care provider, and we all want a provider who listens.
Whether we’re dealing with peri or post menopause, symptoms are always evolving.
This can be very reassuring to remember because what might be a real problem for you right now – say…sleep, is unlikely to stick around forever.
Your doctor or health care provider will be able to have a general overview of your health, that could provide some useful tweaks that make a difference.
So, it’s important not to give yourself the task of dealing with this alone. If something doesn’t work, it can be altered.
One very helpful tactic is to know how the women in your family have experienced menopause.
Susan
So, my mother, I believe has very similar symptoms as I do. I still, I [I] don't even know if it's possible, but I think that it's direct. I think that I have very similar symptoms to what my mom had. But it's something that in her generation you never talk about. So, the few times that I broached it, she would change the subject very quickly. My mom grew up in a time that you don't speak about these things. And everything in the world is always okay. And people should never talk about things, the outside world should never see. It's like don't air your dirty laundry in public.You're always perfect, and you're always fine. So that's where I came from. My sister and I did talk about it a little bit more. But my sister didn't experience it the same way that I did. So, it wasn't a conversation to continually have because she didn't really experience it the same way.
MJM
This is menopause: unmuted where we talk about real women’s menopause stories.
I’m your host Mary Jane Minkin, and if you’d like to find out more, visit menopauseunmuted.com.
That’s also where you can listen to our new bonus episodes covering important topics like bone health and taking care of your mental health.
Let’s go back to Susan’s story, and to listen to how she approaches the important topic of community, relationships, and support.
Susan
Our generation is very frank, they're open about it, they speak about it commonly. We laugh about it. And everyone has their own stories of how they deal with it. And everyone finds their own place of where they're comfortable. And where they have their decision to, to deal with it or not. But it's easy to talk about with friends, very much so. I really find that the friends are extremely supportive. And it's funny because we almost laugh about it, like, oh, we're all in this and look what we have to go through as we age. But I never feel alone. I never feel lonely. I feel part of a group, not necessarily part of a group that I'm looking to be in, but it is the reality. And that's the reality of aging. There are so many things that happen to us as we age, and it's always good to know that it's normal, and that it's part of the expectation. I don't think people like to talk about aging and how you change that much. But I'm lucky to be in a group of women that are forthright about it and can laugh about it.
When I was looking into asking other people about their menopause, I was really, it was really on a one to one. Because not everyone went through it, not everyone went through it the same. Not everybody thinks the same as far as how they want to deal with it. So, in life, I think that for myself, I always look for who's like-minded to share information and talk to about, and some of my friends are a little bit older, which was great because they would be able to share their experiences with me and they were a little bit further ahead. So that was great education. It was great learning from just the friends to start with, and then eventually from my doctor.
I feel that I was very lucky to have a physician that took an interest in menopause altogether and took it seriously and I found my physician extremely supportive and encouraging. So, I think that I was lucky, you know, and sometimes it's who you pick to go to. But I felt very lucky to have that support.
MJM
Susan makes such an important point, not all women will have a great experience when they first talk to their health care providers.
I do have several suggestions for communication tips. Write down your questions. Sometimes at a medical visit you can get nervous and forget a certain important question. Be realistic though, don’t bring a 5-page list, and you and your provider may realize that you have enough questions, so that for example, if this is your yearly visit, you may want to schedule a follow up appointment, just to chat about menopausal issues. And some women like to bring a family member or friend with them, for emotional support. And that’s just fine.
And remember, if you don’t know of any menopause specialists in your area, you can always go to the website menopause.org which is the website of the North American Menopause Society and plug in your zip code and the names of local experts for you will pop up.
The more open you can be with your health care provider, the more likely they will be able to help you. But if you feel that you’re not being taken seriously, don’t be afraid to speak up and ask for what you need.
Menopause has not always been high on the agenda of the medical establishment, but it’s clear that things are changing, and the tide is turning – and it’s part of the reason why this podcast exists.
Let’s listen to Susan to describe her hot flashes in more detail. I’m sure that many of you will identify with this, but don’t forget that this kind of information can be very useful to your health care provider, so don’t be shy to share it.
Susan
For me, my experience with menopause really is predominantly the fact of the hot flashes and the sweats all the time. That really is my biggest symptom, continues to be, but way less frequently. It's to the point that you can't shake somebody's hand because your hands are wet, to the point that clothing gets soaked through. And you never know what's even going to bring it on. Sometimes it's a sip of wine and you're done for the night. So, to me, that's really my symptoms. I don't know what other people feel, but that was really, that's my key thing. When we go out, I totally hesitate to have red wine. I don't know why, but it seems to really be a trigger for me. And I'll know immediately. It's just like, I'll have two sips of wine and all of a sudden, boom, the sweats start and then that night is almost like ruined because, the meal - if I'm out - is not enjoyable anymore. It does stop, but at that point you're already not feeling comfortable physically. So, I'm very careful about doing that. But at home I'll often do it because I'm not worried about, you know, being out andclothes getting wet or that kind of thing, but wine is a big trigger for me.
I think that aging comes with all kinds of challenges. And I look at menopause as part of that aging process. Everybody has different challenges as they age. And this is one that I kind of feel that we're a little bit lucky in that there are some answers today. So, it’s something that I can cope with because I know that there are solutions. They may not be perfect solutions but there are solutions to the point that I can certainly live in my world comfortably. But I do really see menopause just as part of one of those many things that aging brings to us.
I think that if I met someone in their mid 40s, who is starting to go through menopause, I would tell them to get the help they needed right away and not to wait. That that's a stubbornness that I have. And I would hope that after doing that for five years, when I didn't have to, I did learn that that wasn't necessary. And that would be my advice to a person just starting out is to not wait and get the help they need.
I just think that sometimes we live in a world that does like to sweep everything under the rug and not talk about things openly. The fact that menopause is becoming a more acceptable word, and that there's more out there available to women, as far as education and knowledge, is empowering, and really helps people to make decisions on how they want to deal with menopause and their body. So, I feel fortunate because I don't think my mother had, I know that my mother did not have that same luxury to be able to talk and to be able to know and to be able to understand.
MJM
There’s no doubt that for many of us, menopause often coincides with a few other of life’s curveballs; work pressure, kids leaving home, perhaps the end of a long-term relationship and caring responsibilities for the generations above and below us.
Talking and sharing not only helps us in our immediate situation but it can play a big part in helping the women around us who have not yet started menopause. Anything that keeps those channels of communication open has got to be applauded and I want to say a huge thank you to Susan for sharing her story today.
There’s no denying that menopause is not always an easy time of life. Every woman will have her own unique experience and her own way of coping with it. That’s why your relationship with your health care provider is so important because every journey is individualized, and treatment options should be individualized as well.
I’m Mary Jane Minkin, thanks for joining us today. For more information and details of how you can take part in a future episode, check out our show notes at menopauseunmuted.com.
That’s also where you’ll find our new bonus content.
Don’t suffer in silence. Don’t worry about speaking up about your menopause.
Women should be able to discuss menopause with their health care provider. And that may be your obstetrician gynecologist, your primary care provider or your nurse practitioner. There are even designated menopause practitioners that a woman can visit if she needs more information.
Special thanks to the Women's Health team at Pfizer and to Studio Health for producing this series.
Thanks for listening and please keep talking.
Disclaimer
Ident: This podcast is powered by Pfizer.